20 Women Tell Us How Infertility an/or Loss Affected Their Marriage

20 Women Tell Us How Miscarriage/Infertility Affected Their Marriage

Kierra Butcher

Wife, Mother, Blogger, Artist + Recurrent Miscarriage Survivor

All art in this post is by Kierra Butcher (@kierra_b_art)

Deciding when you're ready to try again after loss is such a personal journey. There is no right or wrong answer and everyone will feel a little different. 

Hearing about other women's experiences might help you feel a little less alone though.

When asked, here's what 28 women shared:

1. t has brought us closer, especially since me and my husband go to church every Sunday and we express our feelings more.

2.  It's brought my husband and I closer too. But it's also tough seeing that I am super emotional about it. Always worried that I don't give him enough time to also fall apart sometimes. But we work through it. And talk.

3. It has definitely made us closer. Our communication has improved so much as well he's the best..

4. It made us stronger and closer❤️

5.I feel like it brought us closer and also taught us to create a new life out of a space of fulfillment and not looking for a baby to fulfill certain aspects of our marriage. Being grateful for the blessing God has already given us and trusting in what He will do next for us. He has our best ❤️🙏 Mentorship, pastors, therapy and faith all played apart to getting there ❤️

6. t definitely made us stronger in the long run. We did have to work at it. Communication and spending quality time together is key! Going through it made us realize that we can get through anything when we do it together. It made us better people.

7.There have been deep seasons of disconnect, but long term it has brought us closer. We experience the struggles and the joys together. Becoming more intentional in our relationship has held us together.

8. Open communication is the 🔑 key to a great journey. Infertility affects both people and it is a painful adventure that no one wants to be part of so being able to speak up to your partner is the most important part of it all.          

9. It’s brought us closer & has taught us to be content & happy with just us. Keep the Lord at the center of our marriage. We always say to each other “you’re my number 1”. Although our fleshly desires may be different than the Lords plan we continue to seek him as he writes our story for His glory. The Lord put on our hearts availability & that’s exactly how we our living out His mission. Being available to lean, serve, & love on others. 💕

10. My husband is a nurse and it was really helpful for him to hear from women who had miscarried that what I was feeling was normal. We like to talk about our baby and what he or she would be doing at this stage of their life or how they would interact with their siblings.

11. Made us so much stronger as a couple, more resilient, and better communicators 💕

12. It’s made our marriage stronger. Up until recently we have kept our struggles private so we were like teammates. I know this isn’t the case for so many ❤️

13. It was a little rough at first, especially two back to back, but after listening to each other, being open minded about other options, and just sharing feelings we are much closer.

14.  It’s definitely brought us closer together. We’re the only ones who know how this exact situation feels, so we have each other to talk to about it. It helps that we’re on the same page as far as willingness to talk about them; I imagine it would be much harder if one of us wanted to be private about it.

15. It can absolutely rip you apart if you look at it as if you're hurting on your own, but if you pull together as a team it changes everything. Communication is key ♡♡♡ we've expressed our fears, created a safe space to say what we want to say without reacting to each other, and gone thru our feelings openly with each- even as they change and we cycle thru trying, not trying, loss and more loss, hope and trying again... admitting you're not okay and asking for help changed everything for me.

16. We have always known that we have the same approaches to things, goals, and dreams, but handling this together made us 100% certain that we are meant to be on the same team. He is my rock and biggest supporter- and I know, without a doubt, that if kids aren’t in our future, we will still have a fulfilling life together.

17.My miscarriage confirmed to me that I am very lucky.. my husband does not grieve as I do, but he has been my rock, always there, he can sense that I am about to cry sometimes before I do! It has brought us closer ❤️

18. After losing our first son just 4 days after he was born, it has brought us closer together and taught us some eye opening things about life and how “friends and family” ain’t always your “friends or family”! We now have 2 sons, and we could not be anymore grateful!! Grief comes in waves. And you never know when it’ll hit you like a truck. It’s so important to talk and be patient with each other. We all carry and react to grief differently. Communication and patience is one key! 💗💙

19. I feel like our overall journey has strengthened us. My infertility has shown a lot of my vulnerabilities and to know that my husband accepts and protects them means a lot. Infertility is such a huge burden. One i couldn't bear all of. So I give some of my burden to my husband and instead of tossing it aside (like it weighs nothing to him) he carefully holds it until I can claim it to work through it again. We don't deal and feel the same but I know now that he respects me and what I'm going through.


20. I made a video about how miscarriage affected my marriage- check it out here

Want to contribute? Add your experience to the comments below! 

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1 comment

  • This is a wonderful source for women. Those that choose to cling to each other in such a devastating time can come out of it stronger than before. Sad and beautiful

    MommyASKK

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