HOPE AFTER RECURRENT MISCARRIAGES
I will never forgot hearing the words, “That flicker is the heartbeat. Baby’s heart probably started beating today.” My husband and I stood in that room once everyone left and we hugged each other and cried. I had waited six years to hear those words.
GUEST POST BY Selena Ramirez
I still remember every detail about the morning I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I cried, I laughed, I prayed and I’m pretty sure I even smiled while I was taking a shower. You see, we had been trying for a baby at that point for three years. We had seen four doctors and we were now seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We were so excited living in that high of those first weeks of pregnancy and couldn’t wait for our first ultrasound. Looking back I can see how naive we were. The thought never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t bring that baby home.
We went on to have four more pregnancies that resulted in miscarriage
One of which sent me into an early labor. I was at home, alone and terrified. I remember crying out that day asking God, “Why? What had done in my life that was so bad that I deserved this?” I didn’t know how I was going to go on. The thought of another loss was devastating to me. My husband left it up to me.
After months of healing and finding peace I knew my body would tell me when it was ready
and in March of 2019, I knew I was ready. After seeing the doctor, we started medication and on March 23, 2019 our lives began to change. Less than two weeks later we knew we were pregnant with baby number six. This little one let me know early on that they were different. I welcomed the nausea and I knew just in the way I felt, this baby was a fighter. Sitting in that waiting room waiting to be called back the day of our ultrasound was so unnerving. I will never forgot hearing the words, “That flicker is the heartbeat. Baby’s heart probably started beating today.” My husband and I stood in that room once everyone left and we hugged each other and cried. I had waited six years to hear those words.
We welcomed our sweet boy on December 4, 2019.
The day that he was born I remember thinking back to that day I was laying on the bathroom floor after I lost baby number 4. And in that moment while I was holding my baby boy I asked God, “Why? What have I done in my life that was so great that I deserve this sweet, healthy baby?” We named him Esai, which means God is Salvation. He’s everything that we ever prayed for and more. Our family is complete.