How Can Friends Family Support A Grieving Mother
11 Women Tell Us What Friends + Family Can Do Them While Grieving Miscarriage
Recurrent Miscarriage Survivor, Rainbow Baby Mama, Wifey, Artist, Blogger
Friends and Family can really make or break the grieving process for a bereaved mother. But so many people just don't know what to do or say.
When I had my miscarriages I found that people were tip toeing around me and that made it so much worse...so what can we do instead? Here's what 11 Women said:
1. Check on me often, sit with me in silence, talk about my child BY NAME
2. Don’t say, you miscarried again.
Don’t say, are you going to keep trying.
Don’t say, I was afraid that would happen again.
Just be there and listen, suggest scripture or songs
3. I loved getting flowers and somebody brought me
4. For me, it really upset me when people ignored what I was going through. It means a lot when friends or family talk about my losses with me in a caring and compassionate way instead of acting like it didn’t happen. I appreciate when others keep the memory of my babies alive as well. I hate when people turn miscarriage into an “at least” situation. “At least you can get pregnant” “at least it was early along”. So really just being kind and compassionate is the best thing friends and family can do. I loved getting personalized gifts and flowers or a card, those types of things meant the absolute world to me.
5. Acknowledge that I am a mother, even if my only child was stillborn. Don’t say I’m young enough to try again when I’m 38 and have been advised not to get pregnant again. Just call, text, send a card.
6. I really appreciated that my friend stoped by and brought me a little gift that symbolized my miscarriage, something I could always have to look at. It made me feel like she really cared.
7. Today marks 2 years since my miscarriage. I was open with my family about how I am feeling today. (Not something that comes easily) My mom offered to bring us dinner and it is so welcomed!
8. Acknowledge the situation! My husband and I have had a great support system to help us grieve the loss of our son. So while I have no complaints, my advice to anyone is to acknowledge the situation. Yes it can be an awkward conversation at first, no one wants to talk about death, much less the death of a child. But when that’s the reality you are facing it is so helpful to have someone speak about your child by name and be able to have those hard conversations with. Avoiding the topic all together makes it seem like no one cares, even though they probably do!
9. Say SOMETHING
10. Just checking in on you is so great. And I love when people say my babies name. It shows me they care and he matters. Dinner is always appreciated, especially right after when doing anything feels impossible.
11. Prayer, and letting me know they are here for me. Giving me the time and space I need after asking what is needed
What would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below!