I saw pinkish red on the toilet paper was an unexplainable pain. I knew it was happening again.
Kylee Hill
@kyleemhill
I miss my babies so much. I will never be the same person I was before I lost them. I will always remember them, I will talk about them and keep their memory alive.
About one year into our marriage, my husband and I started trying to get pregnant. I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.
We got pregnant quickly with our first. I was beyond excited. I went into this so naive, so oblivious to the awful possibilities.
I thought it would never happen to me, I’m young and healthy. Then I started spotting before my first ultrasound, and when I got to the first ultrasound there was an empty gestational sac. I started miscarrying naturally soon after this
I went into severe depression for months, but I was ready to try again. We got pregnant with our rainbow within a few months. I got to almost 8 weeks, but started spotting again. I went in for an ultrasound when I saw the spotting. There was a tiny baby measuring almost 2 weeks behind, but there was a heartbeat, except it was very low. But there was hope.
There was so much love, hope, and prayer. But just a couple days later I began bleeding. The pure dread and terror when I saw pinkish red on the toilet paper was an unexplainable pain. I knew it was happening again.
I kept wondering at one moment my previous baby’s heart stopped beating. This was supposed to be our rainbow. My second loss was during the beginning of COVID-19. I had to go into all appointments all alone, without my husband. It was much more painful than the first. A 3 day labor with extremely painful contractions. It felt like I was dying.
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