What I Wish They Would Have Said After I Lost My Baby
The truth from moms who have been through it
So many women have experienced losing a child and yet it seems to still be a questions about to really do or say for these mama’s.
Having had 5 miscarriages personally, I can tell you that the best thing is to just be there. Show up. Let them talk about it.
I specialize in creating portraits for mom’s who have lost children. And when I polled them on what they wish someone would have said– this is what they said:
1. Sometimes the most powerful thing was to say nothing at all.
2. Grief isn’t less significant because you never met the child.
3. Give me the biggest hug and say I’m sorry you lost your baby.
4. Do you need a hug?
5. How are you?
6. Zero sentences beginning with “at least…”
7. Your loss matters. You have permission to grieve or just hold space for this time.
8. How are you…like really? I’m here for you…& I mean it.
9. At least acknowledging it instead of beating around the bush.
10. It’s okay to feel whatever I feel! There is no timeline to grief.
11. ” That must be so hard. I’m so sorry.” Just be a friend. Give me a hug. Listen to me talk about it.
12. I wish people would stop saying I’ll have another baby someday..
13. It’s okay to be angry.
14. Simply this sucks and I’m sorry. I don’t want to hear advice or comfort quotes.
15. I’m here if you need to talk or cry. There is no time limit for grieving.
16. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry.
17. No words. Just a hug, a true, loving hug.
18. Cry baby girl. It’s okay to be upset! I’m here for you.
19. This is not your fault and God is not punishing you for anything.
20. You are still a mama even though you no longer get to meet your baby.
21. This isn’t fair. This isn’t how life is supposed to be.
22. It’s okay not be okay. No matter what this part of your journey brings, I’m here for you.
If you’re struggling…YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are so needed and you will get through this, even though it can feel so dark at times. And if you have someone in your life going through it- I hope you can take these things to heart so we can all lift up these mama’s in their time of need <3